Spottedleaf's Therapy
by xXShadyBlackCatXx
Summary: Spottedleaf decides to open a Therapy business! When cats like Nervous Ravenpaw come to her, what will she do? Beg for Firestar? Yeah, she doesn't get paid much. Spoof! Hideous Cover art by me :D
1. Ravenpaw and The Leather Boots

Spottedleaf adjusted her fake glasses and padded over to her new office: Spottedleaf's Therapy. "Thank goodness I popped the lenses out," She padded to her desk on her Stunning leather boots.

Then her phone from the 1970s rang. "Hello, this is Spottedleaf from Spottedleaf's Therapy, how are you this LOVELY afternoon?" She answered.

"Uh, great. Listen, umm, I'm Ravenpaw and can I have a appointment with you?" The voice asked nervously.

"Sure, Your appointment is at 1:00." She mewed, smiling.

* * *

Then her phone from the 1980s rang. "Hello, Spottedleaf's Therapy here!" She mewed cheerfully.

"I'm Leopardfoot and I need only parent therapy here. PLEASE HELP ME!" A voice sobbed from the other side.

"Uh, 3:00 pm is okay with you?" Spottedleaf mewed quickly.

"Yes." The voice sobbed. Spottedleaf hung up on her. "Cats these days.." Spottedleaf muttered.

* * *

THEN her phone from the 1990s rang. Spottedleaf sighed and got it. "Hi." She mewed grumpily.

"HOLLYLEAF DIEDDDD!" a bunch of voices cried.

"Okay. Your appointment is at 5:00pm." Spottedleaf mewed calmly.

"Hollyleaf!" The cats cried louder. Spottedleaf hung up on them. "I need to pay Hollyleaf.." Spottedleaf muttered.

* * *

**1:00- Ravenpaw's Appointment.**

A small tom entered her office. "Ah, Ravenpaw is it?" Spottedleaf asked him. "Y-yes.." He stuttered. The black tom was obviously nervous.

"What happened?" She mewed soothingly.

"T-tigerclaw k-killed R-redtail and I-i s-saw.. A-also H-he's M-my M-mentor.." The nervous cat stuttered.

"Okay, look, go tell Firepaw that. He'll save you." Spottedleaf mewed dreamily. "Plus, isn't he so handsome..."

She snapped out of her daydream. "Suggest going to a Barn to Him. You can live there."

"Thank you!" Ravenpaw mewed joyfully. The moment he turned around he called Firepaw On his iclan 6.

* * *

**Leopardfoot is in the next chapter~**


	2. Leopardfoot and The High Heels

Spottedleaf changed out her fake glasses into Fuchsia ones and changed her boots into sliver high heels. She was getting ready to help a single parent, or in her words:"only parent therapy here".

She had no idea who Leopardfoot was, or maybe she'd forgotten her. MAYBE.

Two cats arrived, one pleading to the other and one backing away. "Dears, what seems to be the problem?" She mewed casually. The cats immediately stopped bickering.

"Oh, are those Mew Mew?" Leopardfoot mewed excitedly, pointing a paw at Spottedleaf's high heels. "No, they're SqurrielTastic." Spottedleaf replied.

"So, like I asked before, What's the problem?" She added. "Pinestar-Pine, left me for this..this excuse of a cat!" Leopardfoot broke into sobs and pointed a picture of Firestar's clone.

Just then the cat in the picture appeared. "Hey Pine," He mewed. "Aren't you coming over for our Date?" Leopardfoot howled. Pine Smiled and was about to leave.

"Look, Firestar copycat, unless you want a black eye and some missing claws, I suggest you GET OUT!" Spottedleaf yelled, brandishing a pointy knife and starting chasing the Firestar copycat around the building. "Love!" Pine shrieked.

Spottedleaf finally stopped chasing the Firestar copycat and growled. "Now, to the problem at paw. Where are the children?" "Oh, we don't have children. We're toms." The Firestar copycat replied. "NOT YOU!" Spotted shrieked and began chased him around again.

"They're here in Thunder City somewhere. Their brother is babysitting them." Leopardfoot called her children, when Spottedleaf snapped her claws and they appeared with ice cream cones.

"..then we'll go to the toy store, okay?" Tigerstar finished, when every cat looked at them. "Mommy!" The twins squealed. "Hi." Tigerstar mewed uncomfortably. "Okay, children of Leopardfoot and Pine, yes?" Spottedleaf mewed with a heavy accent. "Uh, yeah." Tigerstar replied.

"No, they're our adopted children, and It's Jake, not Leopardfoot." Jake mewed, making Spottedleaf start chasing him for the third time. "ARGH! WOULD YOU SHUT YOUR MUZZLE?" Spottedleaf screamed.

"Mommy, who's that cheeto cat?" Mistkit asked Leopardfoot. "He's a Pyscho." her mother told her calmly.

"Okay, OUT!" Spottedleaf shouted at Cheeto cat. The cat was pushed into a locked closet room brutally.

(We'll get to that later)

"So, have you had any difficulties with that idiot?" Spottedleaf asked the children and pointed at Pine. "Um.. he stole my dignity." Tigerstar replied and "He tooking my ice creams!" Nightkit squeaked.

Pine quickly licked a sprinkle off his muzzle. "What?"

"Okay, and Leopardfoot, do you two live separately?" Spottedleaf mewed. "I dunno what you call Jake coming over and living with us." Leopardfoot shrugged.

"Okay, I'm sick of this idiot! Aren't the spiders creeping him out? AREN'T THEY?" Spottedleaf added the last part nice and clear to the Locked Closet Room (LCR).

"Nice spidey widey." Jake crooned from inside. "Maybe I'll add a few Centipedes... REDTAILLLLLL!" Spottedleaf mewed angrily. "Yes?" Redtail appeared. "DROP MORE CENTIPEDESSSS!" "Okie." Redtail went to BugMart and bought one liter of centipedes.

Spottedleaf dumped them through the breathing holes. "Ooh, Centamedies!" Jake gushed as the centpedes were dropped in.

"Whatever, the final thing to do is kick Pine and Jake out with THIS form!" Spottedleaf showed Leopardfoot a super official looking form called 'National Idiot Kicking Out'.

"Tigerstar, if you don't give me 1,000,000 dollars from your allowance, I'll sue you!" Pine fake threatened. (He actually had no idea what suing meant and how to do it)

"Actually, um... I bought a ouse and I live with children if you remember." Tigerstar grumbled. "Yah! Tawnykit is funz to playing with!" Mistkit squeaked happily.

"Okay, Pine, first of all, Get a FREAKING JOB!" Spottedleaf yelled. "No poking pinchy! No poking Mommy!" Jake scolded.

"For StarClan's sake, COULD YOU SHRIVEL UP AND DIE ALREADY?" When Spottedleaf revealed her secret plan, Pine shrieked. "Sweetie-kins, I'll come save you!" He ran to The LCR and pawed the metal doors.

"Okay, it's around 4:30 and I have customers coming in at 5:00, so when do you want Insect Lover back?" Spottedleaf asked them. "NOWWWW!" Pine wailed. "Look at the Garbage bins outside." Spottedleaf mewed.

As they left, Spottedleaf sighed. "My Paws hurt, maybe I'll wear Sneakers." She changed into Mouse skin sneakers and waited for the next customer.


End file.
